Vice President Eli Suffers Injury to Ribs

By Jakob Venegas

(12 November 2022)

Earlier this week, on the morning of Wednesday, 9 November 2022, Vice President Eli Hammond suffered an injury of unknown type and severity. The injury occurred when one of the Vice President's friends picked him up and started "swinging [him] around like he was a helicopter blade," sources say.

Hammond later visited the hospital on Saturday, 12 November and is expected to make a full recovery, the President said in a statement.

While the person responsible is known, no charges have been pressed. Likely because they were just "messing around, acting like little goofballs," Senator Jakob Venegas says.

The assailant was reportedly swinging around their other friends when Vice President Eli asked to be swung around too. With President Koda away getting breakfast and no one else paying attention, the injury was easily overlooked until the Vice President reported discomfort in their ribs and shortness of breath.

The Vice President's friends and Senator Jakob Venegas quickly arrived on the scene where Venegas reportedly started reading out symptoms of a broken rib.

As this injury has occurred less than a month into his term, many are wondering if Vice President Eli is physically fit to serve. According to Senator Jakob Venegas, "the Vice President will make no attempt to temporarily abdicate his power to rest, despite my recommendations to do so." he later continued, stating, "at this point, I'm not sure whether this makes him a strong leader, or a stupid one. I guess that's up to debate."

This sentiment is not only shared by Senator Venegas, however. Co-Senator and Princess Marley Monroe also states, "the question right now isn't just, 'is he physically fit to serve?' it's also, 'is he mentally fit to serve as well?'"